Okay – some random thought – we live our life with days that we remember. Those are the good days. Those are the days we remember. Good days are what makes our life fun. There are also bad days – those are just another day in the passing.
I don’t have much memories of the past – perhaps it’s a sign of what life was like for me, growing up.
Elizabethtown – the movie. It’s a movie that’s been on my mind for a while now but I finally found time to watch it.
I could have watched it on the plane on my January trip. I didn’t because I didn’t want to spoil the experience – somehow I knew. And I’m glad I waited because it is what I expected.
Sometimes there are things that people tell you not to do and you just want to do it because you know it’s right. Sometimes, your gut feelings is what you have and it is what makes you, you.
I didn’t want to feel sad about myself. And I’m not. I don’t want this self-pity for myself. I had this thought earlier this evening – about how I don’t get what I want. Yes, I don’t. I end up with what I don’t want and things are never what I really expect in the end.
The last year has been a great year for me. The last few months has made me realize a few new things about myself and I’m quite glad. I’m at a point in my life that I should be feeling sad tonight, but I’m not.
I watched Aeon Flux earlier and couldn’t help to catch on the hidden message – that true love prevails – or does it? Is there such a thing anymore? It’s how we make ourselves feel. Then I watched Elizabethtown and couldn’t help to wonder to myself - Kirsten Dunst is really something. Or maybe I just have a thing for blondes. 
Just ruined that moment for myself with that one statement.
This is the month for season finales. I finally caught up with the season finales this week for the shows that I watch – The Office, Scrubs, O.C., Grey’s Anatomy.
Most of them are what I’ve expected. I must say that I’m quite bummed by how O.C. ended – Marissa dies? She’s the one with the drama and probably one of the hottest ones there… Ironically, I came to a point this week, not from watching the shows, but to myself. I’ve come to realize that you know, we all have issues. Every last one of us.
It’s how we choose to express or explore those issues is what makes us different. Perhaps they are not meant to be talked about. Perhaps this is what being grown up is all about. Perhaps it’s another relevation that I’ve come to learn being another year older.
The answers we’re looking for isn’t always there immediately. This all does make sense – it’s what we go through every day. In a way, this is kind of my season finale… Not sure if I need to feel like shit anymore.
Okay, I did it.
Today has been a day about answers. Are the answers what I expected? If they were, I’d be a little more excited about my day. I’d settle for getting the answers.
I finally got the email that I’ve been meaning to send out last night… It was quite timely too – enough time for decisions to be made and enough time for me to get prepared for the outcome. It might be good, it might not – I’ll know next week.
I also got a response back from someone that I had given up on. It basically reinforced what I already know – it’s not going to happen. Yes, I do get a lot so I should be used to it by now – right?
My life is about ironies and discovering myself. And discovering things for me. Getting answers answered is always a good thing.
I’ve always hated my birthdays for some weird reason. Mostly because some things always went wrong on that day. Today was pretty much a descent day.
Had a last minute BBQ with some friends and it was fun. This must be a sign, that things are going right for once.
I find myself thinking about this at 1am in the morning – how ironic things are. I don’t get what I want… Yeah, I sound like a spoiled brat right about now but I don’t care.
A few years ago, when my friend bought a Honda Element, I thought it was the ugliest thing ever. 6 months ago, when I was car-shopping, I found myself interested in the Element. Now, 6 months later, that’s the car that I want to get!
6 years ago, when I bought my first car, all I wanted was an automatic and I ended up with a manual transmission. 6 months ago, all I wanted to get was a car with manual transmission and I got a car that practically drove itself. So, how ironic is that?
I suddenly feel the speed rushing back into me. The need for speed came when I drove the Nissan 350Z a few weeks ago. It was great! It makes me wanna go into more debt and get that car. But I shouldn’t…
I’m going to get myself into a nice Element instead. Something that’ll be functional for me in the next few years.
No matter how ‘open’ I am, there are some things that I just find it extremely hard to say out loud. For one, it is hard for me to talk to a girl that I like. But I find no problems doing it with some alcohol in my system. I know where it got me – nowhere. Perhaps I’m good when I’m quiet and keep things to myself.
I’ve told myself to lose the inhibitions but I am just not always comfortable being myself. Last weekend in Vermont, I was in a town where I know just a handful of people so I really can’t embarass myself too badly. And yet, I didn’t do anything differently apart from being stiff and quiet.
I can’t believe how fast time has gone by. Half of 2006 is almost over. I can still remember the milestones every month was to me. That’s a good change coz I can’t remember names or what I need to accomplish anymore. I used to remember every last detail, every last breath that I took but now… It’s good if I can remember what I did this morning. So, having remembered the important things in 2006 meant that they were important in my life.
I’m wondering if my life will take a turn after this Sunday? Could it be the end of my prime?
I’ve sat on this one email that I’ve been wanting to send for the longest time. And for the life of me, I am just so scared about sending it. I’m not sure how it will be read or what will happen with it. I just need to get it done…
Somethings are just what they are… Some people are just who they are, no matter how hard they try to change.
Well, I spent the last hour finding the post I wrote some time ago about how my fate repeats itself. I found it, it was a protected post. In it, I said that in 3 months from then, I’d be back to where I was now – the great conversation would end and I’m back to square one.
It did. I’m back to where I was before. It was definitely fate to get us talking. In the last month or so, we’ve talked a lot about everything and a lot has happened since then. This is a busy month for me – I’ve done a lot too.
My busy streak has ended and my head is kept straight all this while. Perhaps fate put this together so that I find a way to get through April and most of May.
Every now and then, I get the feeling that I get to a new point in my life when things are great. It’s a rare feeling - if it came any more, I’d be normal.
Here’s an upside from all the lowly feeling that I’ve been having all this while. I’m watching Grey’s Anatomy’s final season. This show has gotten me. Yup, I’m hooked. I wasn’t planning on getting hooked to another show but now I am. The writing is actually good and the actors who play these characters are great.
One of the prevailing theme from watching episodes of Grey’s Anatomy on my Tivo is “We’re all Broken in some ways”. There are many things that we feel that we should be doing differently but if I looked back now, if I didn’t do what I did, I wouldn’t be who I am today. If only I can feel this way everyday, I’ll be okay.
I’ve put myself out there, become vulnerable, become loyal and become safe. I can safely say now that I did try. And I tried hard.
There are things that I want to find out for myself, not for this recent trip but the trip that I really want to be making. There are things that you should do to understand if there’s really such thing as destiny. I’m definitely easily confused when it comes to love and friendship. Or perhaps I’m such a good friend to some that they cannot look at me that way.
Or perhaps there’s just something wrong with me – we’re all broken in our own ways. I just can’t see mine. At least not yet.
Grey’s Anatomy… It’s one of the shows that gives me the moment. The moment to think about things. The time to think about myself and where I am (the music is good too). So, what am I thinking about? Well, for starters, I’ve spent the last 3 days with my camera. We’ve bonded enough. I’m spending my evening watching TV instead.
Here I am – wondering if there’s the someone for everyone? Last weekend, I just thought to myself that I could have met them and because of who I was at the moment, be someone that get passed on.
Or it could be the moment that you say something that you shouldn’t have and be passed on. But they say that if you’re destined for one another, perhaps that time will pass as things you learn. Is it?
I believe that we are creatures that control our own destinies. There are times that some things that cannot be changed. I’ve always believed that history teaches us to be better people. If we don’t learn from our mistakes, we’ll not be the person that we shouldn’t be.
Perhaps there are things that you shouldn’t say. It’s usually not a lie if you avoid the question. There’s really no reason to volunteer information. I am that person who volunteers too much information. This blog is one example.
Sometimes it’s for the best – to get it out of my head but sometimes it means losing that moment with that someone…