This is me – tired, worried, scared, excited, happy, ambitious, disappointed, frustrated, hopeful, all in one day.
I’m tired. Just plain exhausted. I’m worried that my deck project may not finish in time and it’ll become a distraction really quickly.
This weekend my life stopped for a brief moment. No, I didn’t experience a life threatening moment but for once in a long while I felt like my life actually slowed down for a few minutes. I didn’t quite have anything crazy going on this weekend. It was an unusual feeling, not having things rushing by in a blip of a second.
I did work on my deck. I feel like the finish line is within reach. The end is near and I can taste it. I am still marching forward with all this. I am trying real hard not to take the wrong steps forward.
This evening, I went biking instead of spending time working on my deck. It was a good feeling. Biked about 20 miles with Don and it was good to be outside, finally enjoying the summer. It looks like this is my 7th summer here in the Twin Cities. Though it has only been 6 years since I’ve been here. I haven’t really stopped and thought about this before and it’s a good feeling when you do.
You start to wonder where you are in life and where you’ve gone. Today, I got an email from my long time friends. Two of them are getting married – congratulations. Well, I’m not saying who but hey, it’s still somewhat P&C. 
It had already hit me this weekend that I’m not the marrying kind, that I won’t be married. I’m not sure if I’ll start dating again. I’ve got too many skeletons in my closet (not literally) but until I work through those issues, I don’t think I can maintain a descent relationship.
Plus, I’m one who doesn’t get satisfied. I always want to be one step ahead of others and that’s how I’ve been and how I succeed. It’s been my one driving factor – something that pushes me ahead of myself.
I think I’ve achieved a few milestones in my life that most people achieve in a lifetime. I’m certainly not the best but I am certainly not the worst at it. Some say that I’m modest about my life – I am. Why brag about something that you’ve got that others don’t? It might just make the other person feel bad about themselves. It might also make you look like you want to show yourself off.
While I write about this, I am thinking to myself about those people that I found interesting but never the other way around. Why is that? There has been 2 occassions that I was drunk when I had an interesting conversation. It’s like I planned it but heck, I am not sure if it was just the way it was headed or perhaps it is just coincidence. I have a lot of things going on in my life that I don’t think I’m going to feel about being who I am. There’s still a lot of life that I need to live through. And another chapter of my life is just beginning.
Welcome, it’s a long road ahead.
I think it is quite appropriate for me to grief for a while…
My camera’s been that one thing that has been with me in my journey to so many places… Almost 2.5 years old, about 12,000 pictures, 4 countries and 11 US states later, I have to finally say goodbye…
Goodbye my friend…