No, I’m not getting married, not anytime soon. I’ve got enough ‘troubles’ to keep me occupied that marriage will be the last thing on my mind. LOL.

Notice how I didn’t call it wedding season. It is wedding season. Fall is a good time for it. Might be chilly but it’s beautiful this time of year. My friends are getting married. Well, my high school graduating class has been an odd-ball bunch. There hasn’t been much marriages that I know about – one or two, here and there and that’s it. Lately, I’m hearing more and more – 3 this year. 3 of my close friends - people that I grew up with.

Congratulations – you know who you are. I would mention it here but you told me not to tell anyone yet…

The talk of marriage usually scares me – perhaps I have a commitment issue. Perhaps it will not be scary when I know for sure.

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I realized that I am a goal oriented person. I set goals for me to accomplish and I work towards the goals. I stopped making plans in my life because every plan ended disastrously.

I had a conversation yesterday about how hectic my life is right now. I’m balancing a full time workload + overtime and school. I have almost no time to myself anymore. And to make things worse, I’m sure it’ll also mean that something else will come up and distract me even more.

I’m one of those person that if I cannot give 100% of my attention towards it, I really don’t want to be going ahead with that something. I am more distracted and more disorganized when I get more than 3 things to juggle around.

I’m also one of those people who will say things that I mean. I absolutely can’t stand people who says things just for the sake of saying things. There’s just one thing that I absolutely hate…

I’m tired from a full week – it’s Friday. The sad thing is, I have another work day to go – 14 hrs of fun. Sunday will be another full day as well - I have to study.

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The deck that Shan Pin built – 9/16/06 – By Matthew Inkala

Look at Shan Pin’s sturdy, useful wood
Formed precisely, you could stand on it you could
Smooth and solid standing rigid
Oh my gosh did I just say that? Yes.

it’s a nice wood with a nice shape
oh what a pretty deck you’ve made
with your own two hands Shan Pin
it’s a nice wood with a nice shape
oh what a pretty deck you’ve made
it’s time to celebrate

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This is the time when I sit and rethink about what I’ve done… Last year, I did so much, bought so much new things, made rash decisions and this year, I’m working through each and every mistake last year, learning from it and fixing it.

I live in a life of what I call, “The Chaos Theory”. Things are never calm or settled. My mind is always active, it continues to think of new ways to incite chaos in my life. As soon as something starts to slow down, another thing picks up. The good thing is that it keeps things interesting. I’m always on the move and I like living by the minute to the minute.

When I’m nicely tuned, I get things done to the minute and I move on. This week has been a long week for me. I’ve got so many personal things that needed to get done and at the same time, so many work deliverables that I have yet to complete. It’s the first week of class. I’m excited about this new chapter in life but then I think about the chaos theory and I have to stop and think if this is the right decision. I’m only going to move faster in my life and geez, there isn’t a real time to slow down is there?

I spent 13 straight hours at work today, bringing up a file server. It was quite appropriate as well - since I had to miss work yesterday to get to classes. Anyways, I’ve got 3 other projects that also need my time and I’m just tired.

I’ve got 8 chapters to read ahead for this one class and I need more practice on what I just learned. How the heck am I going to find the time for all this??? It’ll take some sacrifice for sure…

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The 2006 Deck Project

This page is the diary of the project that I undertook this summer to build a deck at the back of my house. I’ve been dreaming about this project for over a year – from the day the house was being built to the day that I moved in.

The project had to wait a whole year because of some other important issues that I needed to tend to in 2005.

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So, this week is a really unproductive week at work. I did get a few small things done but nothing major like what I’m used to. I feel lazy – my mind is everywhere. I’m caught between taking care of things for school and finishing my deck.

I’ve told myself that I need to clean up my act, get my shit together and be a normal person again once school starts. And it starts next week. I’ve been on a mad rush trying to get my deck done so that it’s out of my head. I’ve also wanted one last big hoorah and go out and have fun this weekend.

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It was a good time to drive home tonight. It gave me time to think and reflect. It feels like things are on the fast track for me and it was actually good that I slowed down this weekend. The rain helped stop work on my deck so that I could relax.

I watched the Illusionist tonight and I loved it. I especially loved movies with a twist in them. It however, had the usual Hollywood stories – the story of love. Is there such a thing called true love? I don’t think so and I do not think it’s possible. I used to think and believe in that but lately, all that I see is people compromising.

I’m watching a movie called “Love Actually”… I bought this movie about 6 months ago. Well, I find it quite appropriate that I’m watching this. Hopefully it will revive my hope for love. Unless someone tells or shows me otherwise, I think what we call love today is infatuation mixed in with compromises.

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